Hope

My first introduction to this word came from the name of my first school, Hope Lutheran School in Seattle, Washington. It started out as just a word associated with my education but I soon discovered what it meant to hope – and the reasons why it was important. At that time, I hoped that I would have some version of a normal life when I was older. I hoped that I would be surrounded by people who loved me and people whom I loved. I hoped that my life would change into something I could be proud of and that people would be proud of who I’d become.

After graduating from high school, I found myself surround by some friends who accepted me for the tall, goofy looking, giraffe that I was. Some were not sure how to react to my social mannerisms (you’d think I was home schooled) and yet the treated me like another weirdly shaped appendage to add to the body of friends. Somehow, I had achieved at least one of the things that I had hoped for, and my mind began to seek larger, more lifelong goals.

Here, in this optimistic state of mind, I combined the desire for a specific outcome with the emotional expectation that it was attainable. I hoped that I could find someone who would want to spend the rest of their life with me, regardless of my ‘worn and weathered’ emotional damage. I just wanted someone to love me for who I was and take the risk of discovering a life together. Hope turned into reality, and I was blessed with 32 years of both good times and bad.

Now, I am hopeful of my future. I am trying to hike more, eat healthy (didn’t do so well today…), and open myself up to the enjoyment of life. I hope that my future self appreciates the changes I am making for us.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”
– Desmond Tutu

I am hopeful of my future, and I hope that I bring you peace by sharing. Thanks to all who read this. I also hope the person who turned me on to blogging understands the emotional release they have provided me by suggesting I do this.

Hold On, Pain Ends